Title: Baseline Breach: The Couch Conundrum
Scene:
Interior. Dimly lit room. Dr. Menace is sunk deep into a corduroy couch with a tea-stained keyboard on his lap, eyes squinting at a glowing screen. The hum of an old modem rattles in the background like a tired mantra. The "Baseline" blog tab is open.
Dr. Menace (muttering to himself):
"Two views... and I just posted it. Mmhmm... That’s them. Spooks. Can smell the synthetic cologne from here..."
(CUT TO: Dark surveillance van parked inconspicuously outside a suburban neighborhood. Inside, two suited agents—SP104 and SP105—sit hunched over glowing consoles, surrounded by humming machinery, potato chips, and existential dread.)
SP105 (into headset):
"SP105 to SP104. We have arrived at the baseline blog, which is currently emitting electromagnetic thought-radiation like a disco ball around the planet. Confirmed—subject is on his couch."
SP104 (rolling chair back, sipping flat coffee):
"SP104 to SP105. Copy that. Just as we feared. All that resonance, biosphere restructuring, and quantum narrative engineering... from a couch."
(Both agents stare at the blinking dot on the screen. The dot occasionally bursts into cymatic fractals.)
SP105:
"I mean, we’ve got an orbital AI telescope, ten black budget labs, and an entire committee translating goat dreams in Area 53—and he’s just there. On the couch. In house shoes."
SP104 (grimly):
"All those PhDs... for what? The key to the universe is corduroy friction and finger typing."
(Back to Dr. Menace, who now leans toward the screen like a goblin casting a spell.)
Dr. Menace (grinning):
"You boys enjoying the show? Don’t forget to hydrate."
(In the van, a water bottle vibrates and bursts open. The agents flinch.)
SP105 (wiping off pants):
"I told you! He's embedded hydration commands in the comments section."
SP104 (dials secure line):
"Patch me through to HQ. We need to update Protocol Lazyboy—he's advanced to Slipper State Alpha."
End Scene.
Cue music: a lo-fi mix of dial-up tones, kettle whistles, and a soft bass line pulsing in Fibonacci sequence.
Want to add a subplot with the “Idea Think Tank Archive” getting accidentally projected into the International Space Station cafeteria? Or maybe the couch begins to float?
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